Expectations are a wedding killer! They are the monster that lurks behind dreams, decisions, and relationships. For years you have been planning this wedding in your head, complete with Pinterest boards and Instagram photos. The day is built up like a fairytale castle, but reality is altogether different.

The thing about expectations is they often sneak up without you even knowing they are there. I don’t know about you, but that’s what makes them so hard to accept; it’s much easier to deal with the issues in your face than the ones creeping around behind your back.

One of the first places to start is by acknowledge you actually have expectations, some of which you can identify by taking a minute to look at your Pinterest board or Instagram account

“The venue will be magical.”
“I expect the day to be perfect sunny weather.”
“The decor will be overflowing with flowers.”
“My dress will make me look 25 pounds thinner.”
“My dress will make me look 25 pounds thinner.”

You get the idea! Those thoughts are in your head and there is nothing inherently wrong with them, but everything wrong when they drive your special day to the point of frustration. Like Marie Kondo’s cleaning process, we need to let go of expectations, and one way is to think through some of your ideas like this …

“You know, those flowers are gorgeous, but I can be happy and celebrate my spouse with much less.”

“I was really hoping for a sunny beautiful day, but the weather is turning, but I will still get married and have fun. Who knows, maybe the photos will be stunning.”

Now, continue this same thinking when those hidden expectations raise their ugly head. You know how it goes, you’re irritable and frustrated because something isn’t coming together the way you want and you’re getting emotional. The thing is, you aren’t even sure why this is such a big deal. Oooh, now is the time to take a break from whatever it is - whether finding a venue or deciding the decor. Do something that de-stresses you like exercise, bake some bread, go to a movie. Just pull away. When you come back ask your self, “why is this bothering me?” “Why do I care so much that ____ happens?” The best thing you can do for yourself is to be honest and call it for what it is.

Just face reality - a bit painful, but so freeing!!

So, take a breath and move forward by making some decisions. Be OK with less than perfect, and move on. Maybe the venue is not all you dreamed, but it has what you need and can be nice. That works. You will still get married, and that is the ONE expectation that should be met that day.

But what about the expectations of others? Honestly, that can be a bit of a mess! There I just said it, not going to sugar coat it and say it’s easy, cause it isn’t. Just like you have been dreaming about this day for years, so has your mom, sister, and Aunt Sue, let alone the groom and his family. It really piles on quickly! There is no way you can address everyone’s expectations, but there are a few things you can do to contain their unrealistic enthusiasm.

First, be content yourself. Be content that you are getting married, and while all the details may not be what you dreamed when you were ten, the groom is what you dreamed and this is the blending of your lives. With you having that attitude, others often will follow suit.

I encourage you to sit down and ask your parents what really matters to them. You’ll be amazed how much they will appreciate just being intentionally heard. Is there ONE thing that they really want to see happen on your day? They don’t get to decide and dictate your whole day, but try to honor them with one thing if possible. I say, if at all possible. They may want a $3,000 meal on your $5,000 budget, and that isn’t going to happen. Be gentle in standing your ground when you must, and remember it is their job, not yours, to accept your choices.

Above all else, be thankful! Be thankful you get to have this celebration. Be thankful for those family and friends around you. And most importantly, be thankful for your fiancé, because your relationship is all that really matters!